Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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