My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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