I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
