i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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