Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
