yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
