a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
