This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
