girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
