call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
