i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
