so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
