if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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