You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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