I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
