Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
