First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
