Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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