It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
