why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
