Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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