Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
