i just wanna soil my oats bro
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
