just survived the first fart of the relationship.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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