I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
