my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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