Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm passing your future prison.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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