ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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