We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So here I am, sexting at work.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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