I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
