I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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