so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
