So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
