so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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