Plan B is the new Plan A
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
