i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
