You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
