Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
