i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
