Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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