I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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