Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
