I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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