So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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