woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
