Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
