you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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