you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Damn victory sex feels great
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
