my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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