I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize