I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
