he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
