If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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