I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
