Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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