I want to make a zoo with you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
