He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
