I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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