I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
