She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
