its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
