bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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